19.30: Open box and instantly concerned that disc is missing - “DAMN YOU HMV!!”
19.30 + 10 seconds: Spot disc hidden in plastic bag which also contains a map of the world. This must be exactly how they store things in Skyrim!
19.31: Deep, geeky, guilt-free intake of breath through nose with unwrapped map hovering just under nostrils.
19.32: Insert disc and install the beggar to the hard drive
19.48. Start writing this - haha, the mind-fuckery!
19.49: Note the deeply atmospheric cinematic score used for the very undramatic ‘Press Start’ screen.
19.50: Press ‘Start’ as kindly instructed and then select ‘New’. Was tempted by ‘Credits’ to mix things up but who in their right mind does that?
19.52: The Elder Scrolls V??? There are others before this??
19.53: First time I have to do anything in the game and I have to look for a thief? Well how the hell do I... oh, he’s there, sat next to me.
19.53 + 20 seconds: Pause game to *sigh* invert the Y-axis as usual
19.54: Hoping I haven’t missed an integral plot point because I was too busy cursing the gaming gods for the default WRONG setting for the Y-axis.
19.55: Arrive at a village. Braveheart and Bulletproof Monk both pop into my head for some reason at that moment.
19.56: The bloke mentions mead which reminds me that I have a can of Red Stripe downstairs.
20.10: Return from downstairs where Red Stripe is cooling in fridge. Had conversation with elder housemate who has been playing Red Dead Redemption. Both agreed that cougars are cunts.
20.11: Unpause - now where were we?
20.12: Note with a level of smugness that my character appears to be taller than every character currently on screen.
20.13: I have to choose who I’m going to be? Ugh, too many choices.
Hmmm, think I’ll check out all of the female skins first...
20.18: Decide that Miss Default Breton wins Miss Skyrim 2011 followed valiantly by Miss Default Redguard and Miss Default Argonian.
20.20: Briefly wonder if this game is going to have the old ‘strip them of all armour and clothing save for tattooed on undergarments’ mechanic like Fallout 3 had. Predict Skyrim undergarments to be scratchy, woolly and possibly alive.
20.21: “Weight” seems to only affect a character’s shoulders.
20.24: Damn! Default Preset Nord #2 would have won Miss Skyrim hands down! Judges turn away all appeals to restart the competition.
20.26: I see that Default Preset Nord #5 has that Duran Duran ‘Wild Boys’ thing going on. (Secretly hopes that there might be a section in game involving the song)
20.28 Blimey, there’s a Sinead O’Connor skin too!
19.30 + 10 seconds: Spot disc hidden in plastic bag which also contains a map of the world. This must be exactly how they store things in Skyrim!
19.31: Deep, geeky, guilt-free intake of breath through nose with unwrapped map hovering just under nostrils.
19.32: Insert disc and install the beggar to the hard drive
19.48. Start writing this - haha, the mind-fuckery!
19.49: Note the deeply atmospheric cinematic score used for the very undramatic ‘Press Start’ screen.
19.50: Press ‘Start’ as kindly instructed and then select ‘New’. Was tempted by ‘Credits’ to mix things up but who in their right mind does that?
19.52: The Elder Scrolls V??? There are others before this??
19.53: First time I have to do anything in the game and I have to look for a thief? Well how the hell do I... oh, he’s there, sat next to me.
19.53 + 20 seconds: Pause game to *sigh* invert the Y-axis as usual
19.54: Hoping I haven’t missed an integral plot point because I was too busy cursing the gaming gods for the default WRONG setting for the Y-axis.
19.55: Arrive at a village. Braveheart and Bulletproof Monk both pop into my head for some reason at that moment.
19.56: The bloke mentions mead which reminds me that I have a can of Red Stripe downstairs.
20.10: Return from downstairs where Red Stripe is cooling in fridge. Had conversation with elder housemate who has been playing Red Dead Redemption. Both agreed that cougars are cunts.
20.11: Unpause - now where were we?
20.12: Note with a level of smugness that my character appears to be taller than every character currently on screen.
20.13: I have to choose who I’m going to be? Ugh, too many choices.
Hmmm, think I’ll check out all of the female skins first...
20.18: Decide that Miss Default Breton wins Miss Skyrim 2011 followed valiantly by Miss Default Redguard and Miss Default Argonian.
20.20: Briefly wonder if this game is going to have the old ‘strip them of all armour and clothing save for tattooed on undergarments’ mechanic like Fallout 3 had. Predict Skyrim undergarments to be scratchy, woolly and possibly alive.
20.21: “Weight” seems to only affect a character’s shoulders.
20.24: Damn! Default Preset Nord #2 would have won Miss Skyrim hands down! Judges turn away all appeals to restart the competition.
20.26: I see that Default Preset Nord #5 has that Duran Duran ‘Wild Boys’ thing going on. (Secretly hopes that there might be a section in game involving the song)
20.28 Blimey, there’s a Sinead O’Connor skin too!
20.44: Pick a default male character and start meddling with all facial settings. For all of the manipulation my character doesn’t seem to look much different to the default I started with.
21.00: Give up on the whole selection process and just pick default Wood Elf, the Bruce Springstein of the elves. Skyrim here I come.
